As Is

Photo Credit: Lori Shin

Right now my livelihood exists between two worlds. I have certifications in reflexology and hypnotherapy, and enjoy working with people with these amazing healing modalities. My income bread and butter, so to speak, is graphic design. Graphic design and production work has been something I can depend on, and have worked in the field for over twenty-five years. Possessing a BFA in Advertising Design, I focus primarily on printed work, from packaging, to brochures. I’ve seen a lot of changes in the graphics industry, since I produced work way before computers handed accessibility to virtually anyone who could maneuver a mouse. I do my best to “do my best” for my clients, with my creativity, availability time-wise, charging a reasonable fee for my services, to encourage continued and steady work, and I ask questions and communicate clearly, so I provide my clients with the end result their clients need.

I run a “virtual” office out of my home these days, which is pretty fun. My commute takes a couple of seconds, I save on filling the auto with octane, I can stop to console my sometimes overly vocal cat, Sturgis, and brew myself a cup of fragrant herbal tea, choosing my beverage by my mood, energy, and craving. I stay in constant contact with the “team” of people I work with, through web-based e-mail and Skype.

An inexpensive yet capable set of speakers attached to my computer provides ongoing entertainment through my workday, if I choose. As I work on various graphic files, I opt to listen from an extensive menu of satisfying sound choices. My iTunes library has music for every mood, and sometimes I set iTunes to shuffle through my diverse musical library. When it comes to my favorite internet-radio selections, my tastes explore inspirational, metaphysical programming from Hayhouse Radio.com (click here for a website link) to eclectic music like Radio Paradise.com, where I never know what I might hear. I trust something will get my little brain-wheels turning, or bring a smile to my heart. Something old, something new, something familiar, something foreign, I open myself to whatever ends up on my life's daily playlist.

Ani DiFranco, photo credit: Danny Clinch

Someone I hold dear in my heart gave me a CD she didn’t want for her own music collection. I accepted the music gladly. The artist/musician Ani DiFranco expresses her unique view of the world with her personal reflection; raw and revealing, compassionate and passion-driven music and word. Ani approaches her musical craft with vitality, wisdom, and gusto. I appreciate her humor, her insight, and her devotion to unify her creativity with her local and global community. I’ve purchased several of her CDs in the past, so this new music was a welcome addition to my collection. Explore Ani and her independent recording label, righteousbabe.com.

Ani DiFranco’s own hand-picked essential collection spanning 1990-2006 is called Canon, released in 2007. In a visually thoughtful designed packaged two-disc set, this assortment invites listeners to the perfect introduction to a very influential recording artist and woman. (DiFranco’s packaging has won graphic accolades in the past.)

I’ve provided the lyrics of one song from Canon entitled “As Is". A gentle, lyrical song-journey glimpse into anyone’s shadow self, sort of a simple musical snapshot, this song brings a smile to my day. (If you load it into iTunes and have the repeat one mode selected, it's a flawless loop.)

As I continue working (on wholeness in my world, while working diligently for my clients and their deadlines), I relish in being in the place of “as is”, dismissing judgment, and welcoming the humanness of just "being"; absolutely conscious to welcoming whatever comes my way. (You can order this tune, also featured on the Ani DiFranco CD entitled Little Plastic Castle using the iTunes link on the right side of this blog page.)

as is
you can't hide
behind social graces
so don't try
to be all touchy feely
cuz you lie
in my face of all places
but i've got no
problem with that really

what bugs me
is that you believe what you're saying
what bothers me
is that you don't know how you feel
what scares me
is that while you're telling me stories
you actually
believe that they are real

and i've got
no illusions about you
and guess what?
i never did
and when i said
when i said i'll take it
i meant,
i meant as is

just give up
and admit you're an asshole
you would be
in some good company
i think you'd find
that your friends would forgive you
or maybe i
am just speaking for me

cuz when i look around
i think this, this is good enough
and i try to laugh
at whatever life brings
cuz when i look down
i just miss all the good stuff
when i look up
i just trip over things

and i've got
no illusions about you...
cuz i've got
no illusions about you
and guess what?
i never did
and when i say
when i say i'll take it
i mean,
i mean as is...

...as is...

Ani DiFranco

When I Miss the Mark

Immersed in the 12th week of the 18 week Breakthrough Coaching Course, I get to observe where my strengths are, as well as my weaknesses. We are coached and asked to gauge our level of responsibility on a one to ten scale (one being the lowest and ten being fully responsible) in areas of our lives, both in the life wheel we are currently working in, and as a whole, as we operate in our lives. Yesterday, my responsibility level plunged to the lowest level in the whole 18 weeks. What a perfect opportunity to see how I operate, and the underlying commitments I have created in my life, the energy I put into the various “life wheel” sections of my being, and busting myself in excuse-mode.

I was definitely “full on” the responsibility mark for yesterday morning. I returned to the local rec center after a long hiatus due to foot pain, and I spent 30 minutes in the “lazy river” resistance pool. I walked against the current, forward and backward, using as much of my body as I could. I swam against the current, and imagined myself immersed in a river of loving-kindness and forgiveness. The challenge of my moving through the water was surprisingly moving and swimming not against the current, but with the water’s movement. My dogpaddling with the current challenged my body and I found more of a workout than I could have imagined. Could this be a clue as to how I operate in my life? Do I surrender my power to my resistance, or to the “flow” and move with ease through my life? Who or what underlying belief am I surrendering myself to? Who do I allow to be right when I take an action that’s not in alignment with my highest self? And do I consistently beat myself up for something I said, did, or thought in my past, and how does that impact my present moment? I was flooded by the synchronicity with my need to move in water at this time in my life. Water is the element of emotion. I have plenty of emoting these days, recognizing I pretty much dammed my feelings in my body, and through the support I’ve been receiving from friends and coaching, as well as my connection with Source energy, this was my time to release and let those emotions float out of my energy field. What a huge exploration and opportunity to work and play with the watery side of my persona. As a strong Taurus (Sun and Moon), I tend to be tethered and earth-bound, very grounded and sometimes way too practical, but my ascendant or rising sign is Cancer, a water sign, and I have the tendency to be very fluid when I allow myself to express and move. What a blessing to take the time with myself and love myself enough to go deeper with the precious practice of allowing the water element to be my teacher.

As I was drying off and dressing, I met a nice woman named Jodi in the locker room, and as we chatted, she mentioned her impending surgery on her knee, scheduled in mid-January. We commiserated about various things, including enjoying all the center’s facilities, spending time without significant movement, and the challenge that situation presents, and connecting through text messaging. I haven’t explored that part of cell phonedom, but I see the wisdom in sending a fleeting thought moment-in-time to someone, and Jodi recollected a message from her college-aged son. Texting “I’m ok, love you Mom” to her cell phone over a year ago, that message brings her so much pleasure and happiness today as it did when it was sent. As I gave an understanding smile and walked toward the exit at a slower than forty-nine year-old pace, with my throbbing foot in enclosed shoe, Tom Petty’s lyrics rang out of the recreation center’s stereo system, into my consciousness:

Somewhere, somehow somebody
Must have kicked you around some
Tell me why you wanna lay there
And revel in your abandon
Listen it don't make no difference to me baby
Everybody's had to fight to be free
You see you don't have to live like a refugee
Now baby you don't have to live like a refugee

Tom Petty, Refugee

I missed one of my buddy calls yesterday. Buddy calls are a part of the Breakthrough process of coaching. We schedule one or two calls with our buddies a week. I enjoy these calls enormously. I learn from my two “buddies” and hopefully, I offer something of benefit to my buddies, too. We get to build a support system and accept accountability in the coaching process in addition to our weekly homework, daily or weekly practices to move us forward and our weekly conference calls. Our interactions reflect our external world, too. I could bring several excuses to the table about missing my call with my buddy. I rather take full responsibility to recognize when I miss the mark. I know I wasn’t in alignment with my desire to create a supportive and accountable environment with my buddy. It bummed me out, since I really do desire more and deeper relationships. I was serving “two masters”. The everyday drama of work was an excuse to not be present. Busted again.



I was determined to bring myself in alignment yesterday with some issues. This past weekend, I had reduced more of my clutter by going into my somewhat cluttered closets and relinquishing my attachments to outdated electronics and unworn clothing (including the outfit I was married in). I know I still could reduce more, and every time I do this clutter clearing, I feel a bit lighter. I breathe easier. When I had chosen the clothes to “move on and out”, I thanked the various fabrics and notions for the comfort and covering they had given to me. Folding my white linen embroidered blouse and matching skirt, and light blue sash-fabric belt I got married in reminded me of one of the happiest days of my life. Holding on to those clothes can’t diminish nor add to that beautiful memory. Energetically my ex-husband had moved forward with his life and somehow, by holding onto these feminine textile mementos, I stayed stuck. It was definitely time for me to move on with as much grace as possible. I had no reason to have these clothes in my space.

There was always more “stuff” to dispose of. I grabbed a black plastic garbage bag, rummaged some more in my closet, through plastic containers, and tossed old floppy disks, shredded old bank and utility statements. I ran across some necessary-to-keep items, filed them immediately, and promised to again review the “stuff” of my physical world and hone my clutter-clearing eye toward a more peaceful environment.

As I sought actions in what would help me be more in alignment with what I desired in my life, I ended up tripping myself up throughout the whole day. I had my car filled with all of these giveaway items I was “releasing”. I stuffed the back seat of my car with brown cardboard boxes of comfortable clothing, old audio equipment, various useful-to-someone else’s household products, and even some unwanted food I wasn’t ever going to use, and gingerly drove off in the slushy weather to the local thrift store, which also serves as a food bank. As I headed out, I hadn’t grabbed my brown canvas print purse, and it occurred to me I was driving around town without my license or proof of insurance. I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, and it brought me to another deep reality check. Mostly because of some job-related drama that I really didn’t want to partake in I was operating out of alignment. I wasn’t totally present in my body, and lapsed into reaction-mode. I realized I have more work to do in the work/career area of my life wheel, and the reason I attract drama into my work and career. Some days are better off being “mental health” days.

When I returned home, I promised to check in with myself, journal, breathe, treat myself with gentleness instead of using the psychic baseball bat to beat myself up.

I have the tools needed to bring myself back to the present moment.

Serving Two Masters and Integrity

I will admit it; I’m not a Bible reader. I think the Bible has a lot of very deep and profound messages to offer on life. I don’t even think I own a Bible. There are messages that resonate with me and come through me from a place that’s beyond my ego self, and some even from the Bible. When those messages come through, I dwell deep within that wisdom that is beyond me, yet within me; I look at what the message means to me, and how my life reflects that message.

When I feel like I’m operating in a place that isn’t in faith, trust, and love, I ponder this message that has come through my consciousness repeatedly for many years:

"No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon."

Matthew 6:24

My interpretation:

"When one thinks, says, or believes one way, yet one’s holds an opposing belief, or takes actions reflecting something not in alignment or the same energy to the first thought, conversation, or belief, the strongest belief will “win” out. One cannot serve two opposing beliefs."

I had to look up mammon. (Details, details.) A rough definition is “wealth regarded as an evil influence”. I thought since that word didn’t work for me in this instance, and the word God doesn’t work for a lot of people, instead I put my own words in for substitution.

I believe there is the duality of our humanness. I am the shadow and I am the light. I couldn’t delight in the joy of my world without the contrast of the despair that I might experience with something taking place in my world. I believe I am the “the alpha and the omega”, as are you. We are connected by energy, an energy of oneness. Our world is a reflection of our energy. The integration of my human self with my spiritual higher self allows me to feel that connectedness.

Yet, when I hold a thought about the desire to be abundant, and look around and don’t hold beauty and value in this very moment with my life as it is right now, to me, I am serving two masters. And the strongest belief wins out

In the Ford Institute for Integrative Coaching’s Breakthrough Program’s eleventh class, we are talking about integrity. Integrity is serving the one master. To me, integrity is when one’s actions, conversations, beliefs, thoughts, and feelings are in congruent or in alignment. When someone is operating with integrity in the world, their core beliefs and conversations mirror their actions. That person takes responsibility for who they are and how they operate in the world. There is no “lip service” of hearing someone say one thing and doing another thing; that person reflects what they say and believe in their actions. That person is congruent.

I’ve looked at the past and know fully where I was not in integrity. Those reflections aren’t proud memories for me. When I can, I did my best to correct what I was able to fix, as long as the fix wasn’t using my retired tools of guilt, manipulation, and projection. Some things I may never have the ability to fix. I acknowledge the work I’ve done in this area of my life and the work I continue to do on a daily basis. My key to this daily work is the energy of forgiveness. I have had to forgive myself for a lot of things I have done in my life I wasn’t proud of. I don’t hold resentments or ill will to anyone, living or dead. Say what you will about Dr. Phil, but I really like his ten life laws. Life Law Number Nine is: There is Power in Forgiveness. Forgiveness frees up my energy and helps me to take responsibility for my emotional well-being. I also continuously ask for support with my journey from people, since I really want to create an extraordinary life with the tools I am learning to use, and reaching out for support offers me accountability. I enjoy being a support to someone’s transformational journey, too.

I strive to be more conscious of serving the master of love instead of fear.

Undelivered Communications

I’m moving into week eleven of an eighteen-week program offered by the Ford Institute for Integrative Coaching. The program is called “Breakthrough” and me and the other participants in the program are in the process of being coached in every area in our lives. We utilize a life wheel with “spokes” and “pie pieces” and the pieces have names like Work/Career, Relationship, and Spirituality. Each week we work on something different with ourselves, unconcealing the qualities and aspects that keep us stuck in patterns that are disempowering. We then are given tools, steps, visualizations, readings, and action steps to create more of what we want in the week’s subject, and in our lives.

Week ten was a powerful week (as was Week 9). We worked on the theme of Relationships of Family and Friends and Primary Relationships. For me, this triggered all sorts of emotions and feelings, and I stayed in a very heart-centered place with what came up for me. I was feeling, I was emoting, and I was vulnerable. I also know I was confident, courageous, and did what I could to speak my truth and be in integrity.



I know that in the past, my toolbox for dealing with family and friends, as well as my primary relationship was to for me to be a victim, use manipulation, hammer my righteous position into the situation, and choosing to feel hurt because of unmet expectations. All of these things have a common thread of what Debbie Ford (and other people in the therapy and coaching world) call Undelivered Communications.

Undelivered Communications are the unspoken beliefs, feelings, and emotions that keep us in a holding pattern with both our energy, and the energy we have towards the things and people we never speak our thoughts to. Resolving an undelivered communication is a communication that is delivered from the heart, and not the head. There is no blame, shaming, righteous position or ill-feeling with resolving a communication. And I have learned that, after a communication that is clear and benevolent, my vibration changes immediately. Unless my communication asks in a direct way for an action step, such as returning a belonging, my need to control any outcome is neutralized. If I hold on to expecting a certain outcome from my communication, which would link me with an old pattern I learned from the women in my family, mainly my maternal grandmother, I would get to be right about something, and get to feel disempowered, neglected, and stay in those negative energies. My grandmother's belief was in doing something kind for someone, the kindness should be returned. I would say that belief caused me so much heartache in the past. It caused me a lot of heart-sickness. My grandmother had a heart condition. Is it coincidence?

My recent surgery helped me to get clear on this old pattern. My recovery continues, yet I still have pain. I still can’t wear shoes, because my foot is so swollen. Right now, I wear sandals and socks (it’s been cold here). If I was stuck in my old pattern, I would have waited for someone to help me, and then I could be a victim if they didn’t give me assistance, and my righteous position would have been “gee, things ought not to be like this”. My underlying belief could then be, “People aren’t nice”. Those beliefs are beliefs that are old and outdated, yet, I recognize the pattern so well. The thoughts don’t empower me, and I also get to dwell in the place of disappointment (another underlying belief that people will disappoint me). I really choose to be in consciousness and recognize these beliefs, and be kind with myself in my integration of why I do what I do, and how to live a more empowered life.

During my healing and convalesce, I actually asked for assistance from people, and people came through. I know I am more than willing to do things for people without them asking, and that’s another pattern I grew up with. I am not a mind-reader (well, sometimes I am), but for the most part, I do my best to ask a person what I can help them with. That allows them to choose what they need, I am able to allow them more control (because if I do things for people without knowing what they truly need, I am in a sense, taking control from them).



My undelivered communications this week involved writing forgiveness letters, one that surprised me, since it was to my ex-husband, contacting someone who offered me assistance, sending out gift packages to people, sending someone some dance music I had promised and was overdue with, and asking for some things I loaned to be returned. I also contacted some people whom I hadn’t heard from in over nine months, I rekindled some friendships, and I heard from some of people who sent me some genuinely kind words and healing energy. All my communications are coming from a heart-centered place, even the conversations I have with myself. When I am unable to meet my needs, I ask for what I need.

To not do this work of being coached “full out” would feel like I was cheating myself. Yes, there is a price tag to being coached for eighteen weeks. The benefits far exceed the cost, in my opinion, because I am doing what I can to be in integrity with the process. Personally, I have too much at stake to take this coaching work lightly and shrug it off, and maybe create a self-sabotaging situation. For me, it’s vital to do this work at this time, to attract the heart-centered relationships I desire in my life, and to be supported, supportive, and accountable for helping all my relations flourish.

Everyday Small Steps

It’s amazing how the body heals. It’s a week since my foot surgery. There’s still pain, but a lot less. Now, I can (slowly) get up and down the stairs without my crutches. I really have to pay attention to my steps, and I know the message that everything I do right now is a prayerful meditation of my body, mind, and spirit. I respect my body and my current abilities. Aside from driving, I can do pretty much what I need to do, I just do things much more slowly. I’ve become more mindful of my journey and my present moment.

At this time, I still think about my mother through this healing process, and I have to believe that the Universe has me connecting with my mother in this way for a deep purpose. I am reminded how I move right now, and how my mother moved to accommodate her abilities after a stroke. She had to back up her body (sort of putting herself in reverse) to sit down, feeling the seat or couch behind her. I remember her movements as she surrendered her balance to an object that would bear her weight, and the relief she felt as she slid into her sitting position. It’s almost as if I remember her through my own body cellular memory, as I make the steps forward and backward, negotiating up and down stairs, and moving slowly and thoughtfully through my day (good foot up the stairs first). It’s an amazing recollection, and I really see how my mother (and my avoidance for many years of “being like her”) was my “shadow”*. My mother transitioned out of this physical world in 2006, so all of these “cellular” memories have been a surprise to me, but welcome and comforting.

I realize how remarkable the human body is, how amazing our minds are and how our beliefs can expand or limit us. I know I will relish the time I can return to my dance practice and working out. I also honor that this time of stillness has moved me through some real breakthroughs. I realize how much I will enjoy simple things like climbing effortlessly into my bathtub to take a shower. My vision map of what I want to bring into my life is laminated and taped to my shower, and I really miss seeing and absorbing the images that I see and take into my consciousness without effort when I shower.

I remember when I went to the local grocery store to rent my crutches before my surgery. I am reminded of hearing a little girl about 14 shopping with her father, seeing me try out my crutches for size, and hearing her laughter and remarks about crutches. It was good to just observe, not be self-conscious or into a “story”. I got to think about people who live daily with physical and mental challenges, and realize I am so fortunate, and grateful for my life.

I’m getting to look how I judge myself, and how I judge others. I get to see how I judged my mother, and maybe other people. We tend to do things to get our needs met, whether those things are in our highest state of being or our lowest state of vibration. I get to look at those beliefs behind those actions, and set those beliefs aside or surrender to what feelings are behind those beliefs. When our routine is disrupted for any reason, sometimes we can go totally into our stories. The stories are only beliefs. Most of those beliefs aren’t even true. Those beliefs keep us from our real feelings. Those uncomfortable or even painful feelings we would rather “numb” away, through addictions like overeating, avoidance, drinking, overworking, shopping, drugs or about a thousand other ways are actually our gateway to our own personal power.

Are you happy with yourself? Do you hold the roadmap that will be the catalyst to expand your view of yourself? If you were “there” what does “there” even look like? Do you know? The Universe supports clarity. Today is the day to get clear. If you love your life, you are going to move in a world that reflects that back to you. If you are angry with yourself or other people, or not loving yourself, or beating yourself up all the time, you are going to find people to reflect that same thing back to you. I’m not “there” yet, but I am in the process, I have my “vision map” and my commitment is to live each day with a new discovery and appreciation of myself and what is reflected back to me. Each day offers something new to learn and love about myself and the world.

When we take 100% responsibility, and connect with ourselves on a deep, profound level, connect with our global family, and change our feelings of being “different” or “wounded”, we take down the barriers that separate us from others and separates us from the Divine spirit that lives within, around and through each of us. All is sacred. There is nothing that isn't sacred. What’s available to you when you take down those barriers? You can have a new perspective, enter the process to transform your life, and live the live beyond anything you could have ever imagined.


*I will write more about “the shadow”, the Breakthrough Process, and the programs I am currently immersed in through the Ford Institute for Integrative Coaching.

Changes in Everyday Circumstances

As much as you plan for something in your life, there comes a time when you learn new things that change how you interact with the world, even on a day-to-day basis. Sometimes our circumstances offer restrictions that keep us from performing what we’ve come to take for granted as simple, everyday tasks. Having surgery on my left foot is teaching me about restrictions, moving slowly, kindness, and the healing process beyond the physical.

Now, as I walk and move in my home, I have to concentrate on my steps. I’m allowed to “bear weight as tolerated”. I take that to mean, if it’s too painful, I need to use my crutches. Sometimes I use the crutches, and sometimes I slowly hobble my way to my destination. As I move, I’m reminded of my mother, and how, after a very massive stroke that left the right side of her body immobile, she re-learned to perform everyday tasks again, everything from bathing, to cooking, to walking, first utilizing a walker, then a quad-footed cane. With the help of a physical therapist, she learned how to balance on her right side. Fitted with a stiff plastic leg brace, so her right leg could bear the weight she didn’t fully have control over, I realize, in the short time I’ve been physically challenged with my restrictions, how amazing my mother’s accomplishments and efforts were to live with her abilities after her stroke.

I’ve been told I have to “bathe creatively”, which, so far means sponge baths and clean clothes. I’ll attempt to wash my hair in the bathroom sink today. Right now, how I look isn’t as important to me as how I feel. I still am committed to eating right, cooking myself a nice meal, and having my home be as clean as I can make it. Some things (like vacuuming) will have to wait, though.

The three most challenging issues about my physical restrictions are the pain involved, getting up and down the stairs with whatever I need, and asking for help.

I have been taking pain medication to help ease the hurt, and I make sure I have something to eat before I take any medicine. I’m also taking Arnica Montana, a homeopathic, to help with the trauma of surgery.

Sometimes I will crawl up the stairs on my hands and knees, and “slide” down the stairs (on my bum), and sometimes I use my crutches. It depends on how I feel (if I feel unsteady, I don’t use the crutches) and assess what needs to come up or go down with me. So far, so good. The nurses at the surgery center taught me how to go up and down stairs with the crutches.

I normally rely and take responsibility for myself. Now I’m much more vulnerable, and I ask for help. My roommate Janell took me to surgery, and my friend Christina picked me up and brought me home. Christina also offered to shop for me, if I need something from the grocery store. I received a “care package” from a friend in North Carolina that brought lots of smiles to my face. Even my cat, Sturgis watches over me, being sweet, and a little less demanding.

I called the phone tree at the little church I go to and asked if I could get a ride to a Thanksgiving Eve service (if the weather is not good, I will stay in, though).

As my life takes on some very temporary restrictions, I take heart that nurturing myself, and accepting the kindness of others will be the comfort I can use to heal quickly. I am very grateful for going through the process of healing and of being tender with myself.

Flaming SoCal

Satellite view of Southern California. The red indicates wildfires and the smoke. Photo credit: NASA

370,000+ acres burned
Over 500,000 people evacuated from their homes
Relentless fire battles between man and nature

It sounds like a made-for-television movie, but it’s real life for an affected 1 million plus people living in the path of the current firestorm, raging in Southern California. This is day four for the Southern California fires, stretching between Los Angeles and southward beyond San Diego.

I talked to my brother on Monday night. He had a challenging week, seeing his beloved baseball team, the Cleveland Indians, first take the lead of the American League Champion Series, only to be defeated in the end, by the Boston Red Sox. He takes his baseball seriously. He was bummed out.

Then, Sunday evening, wildfires began to consume the drought-stricken Southern California landscape, with unprecedented damage on San Diego County. Fanning the flames is the unpredictability of the Santa Ana winds. When you bring these various elements of dry heat, dry land, and high winds together, they form a blazing cocktail, and you literally have a formula for disaster. There are comparisons to Hurricane Katrina, yet this has affected a larger, and more densely populated area.

My brother’s priorities shifted on Monday night.

My brother usually keeps some windows cracked open for some fresh air, especially when he sleeps. Monday morning, October 22, he woke up to find his kitchen counters dusted with a light coat of soot. He said the whole area smelled like a fireplace, and the smoke was getting worse. The metal tower that holds his satellite dish in place was created to withstand 50 mile an hour winds, and it toppled to the floor of his patio on Monday. He told me he had a bag packed of a few essentials, in case he was called to evacuate. Police and fire rescue were closing roads all around San Diego County, due to the fires, and travel was unpredictable and not suggested, unless evacuation was necessary. Many of the closest evacuation shelters were already full to capacity.

I didn’t talk with my brother yesterday, and I sent out an email to him early in the morning. He doesn’t have a cell phone, and vows he never will (he’s not a big talker anyway). He was evacuated on Tuesday, alerted by a telephone call via the reverse 911 system, but was able to return to his home Wednesday. I talked to him a little while ago, and he’s ready to go, in case he’s asked to leave again.

Unless you have been in a dire situation, I don’t think you can imagine bunking with 11,000 strangers in a shelter set up for a disaster. It sounds as though people’s basic needs are being met, in regards to food and shelter. Even though the unthinkable has happened, there was planning and it paid off.

Thousands of rescue and fire personnel have flooded the area, working in conditions that they have never experienced. They are the heroes of this tragedy, and many have worked over 24 hours, battling the flames, some without eating, most without sleeping.

It’s going to take a lot of money and effort to rebuild SoCal. Then there’s the impact on people’s health. Most businesses are closed, so people’s paychecks will be smaller. The estimated impact on the San Diego area is about 2 billion dollars. I'm guessing that's a low ballpark figure.

I believe in the power of prayer. I also believe in taking action. Please consider a donation to the San Diego/Imperial Counties Red Cross. Click Here to Donate.

Long-Suffering Fan or Fan of Long Suffering

I was born in Cleveland, Ohio, as were my two older brothers. One of my brothers grew up watching and playing sports. Now he’s in his fifties. Following the major league sports teams of Cleveland has been a way of live for him, as for many die-hard Cleveland sports fans. No professional team in the city has won a championship since the Cleveland Browns won the NFL championship in 1964. My brother calls the fans of Cleveland the most long-suffering fans of any city with the three major league sports played on their city’s turf. They get close to winning it all, and somehow, championship slips through their fingers, and the fans’ heartbreak lingers.

For now, my brother is mostly a sports spectator, especially of Major League Baseball. My brother possesses an exclusive, multi-decades-old devotion to the Cleveland Indians, and a vast knowledge of the history, the legacy, and rules governing the game. I don’t know a whole lot about sports, but after spending some quality baseball-watching time around my brother, I have a bit more knowledge than I had in, say the last 40 years of my life.



Anyone who knows anything about the MLB realizes that soon the playoffs will take place, setting the stage for the World Series. Cleveland clinched the American League’s Central Division championship on September 23, 2007, their 7th central division title in 13 years, assuring the Tribe’s place in the 2007 playoffs. I know this excites my brother.

I never realized what a grueling schedule a Major League Baseball team adheres to, in one year’s time. Compared to the seventeen weeks that the National Football league plays in a regular football season, a typical baseball season has well over 158 games played. Cleveland is tied for the most wins this season (the eastern division’s Boston Red Sox also has won 94 games this season).

Chief Wahoo

The last time the Cleveland Indians held a division championship was 2001. The last time the Tribe won the World Series was 1948. Tribe fans are joyously looking for that victory to savor, and just maybe, the long-suffering fans of Cleveland will enjoy the sweet taste of a championship this year. Then perhaps the fans can let go of their past.

Looking at myself, can I let go of what keeps me stuck? I know if I let go of my past, I can move forward with more intensity and more vitality. For me, if I ignore what I’m feeling, I hold on to the energy of resistance, and the feeling persists. I would say I’ve been an unwitting fan of long suffering. I’ve resisted so many of the feelings (of course they didn’t “feel” good, and ignoring or numbing them was how I dealt with sadness, anger, disappointment, instead of allowing the feeling to move through my body, and out of my energy field). I wallowed in the deeds of my past. That allowed me to be stuck in my story, and basically I gave my power away. I became a victim.

Each day, when I stay in consciousness, I move toward change, through physical movement, transformative studies, and meditation. I have to possess a blatant intolerance toward hanging onto suffering, with consciousness.

“Fan” is a word derived from fanatical. The definition of fanatical is filled with excessive and single-minded zeal or obsessively concerned with something.

Each day, I give up a little of my “fan” based thinking that doesn’t serve my highest good. Beliefs and ideas about security, finances, what I can or can’t do, that I’m not good enough or pretty enough, or that things “should” be a certain way are reviewed; those fanatical beliefs and concepts are being replaced by radically empowering ideas. And slowly, my life is changing. Sometimes it’s a subtle change, sometimes it’s a major shift.

So here’s a question to ponder. Are you a long-suffering fan, or a fan of long suffering? You have a choice of how you perceive life, and how you live it. Shift your perception, and your life will shift, too. The Universe supports whatever you are zealous about. Whatever you are obsessing about, whether it’s what you want or what you don’t want, you are attracting that very thing.

Whatever you choose to be concerned about, somehow works for you (only you can decide if it’s working in your benefit or detriment). Maybe, you’re ready to choose something different for yourself; to allow your gifts and your self-love to bring you more of what you want. You have to be your biggest fan in this life.

Hey, and I’m cheering you (and myself) on to victory!

Each Day Is A Little Gift

Thursday, the 30th of August was the day since Sedona’s passing that I didn’t find myself crying when I woke up from my night’s sleep.

Friday, the 31st, was the first time I could meditate after Sedona’s passing. I found myself with a little time before work, so I sat in my favorite chair to meditate in, and allowed myself the time to let go.

At first, Sturgis was meowing loudly upstairs. I called to him, to comfort him and let him know everything was okay. Okay is a signal word for Sturgis, and it was for Sedona, too. They understood that okay meant things were good in the world. Most of the time, they would get whatever they wanted after the Okay word.

Sturgis, looking a little spooky.

I settled down to meditate, which was easy and effortless for me. I didn’t have an agenda, and I usually allow whatever needs to come through to move through me in meditation. A while into the meditation, my mind saw my beautiful Sedona’s face. It surprised me to see her. As I saw her in my meditation, I experienced her spirit. I suddenly felt my body become truly weightless. That has never happened to me before in a meditation, nor in a sleep state. I don't fly in my dreams; I'm usually anchored to the earth.

I felt so peaceful, and knew this was Sedona’s message to me of her pleasure with her new-found state, and that it was unlike the weighty physicality of this life. What I felt was love and being loved at the same time. I can't even create the words to express that feeling or being. I felt a gift was given to me.

When I opened my eyes after meditating, I realized the meditation was about 20 minutes long, and created the space within me to recognize the beautiful time and the wonderful years I spent with my special companion, Dona.



Saturday the first of September, I went to Boulder to pick up Sedona’s ashes. Never did I think I would be bringing her home in a little round wooden box.

The box fit my car’s cup holder perfectly, so I could transport her ashes back safely.

Sturgis continues to get a lot of love from me. He’s such a sensitive boy cat. He likes to rub against me while I'm sitting at the computer, and he likes when I gently pull his tail. He's waiting for me to give him a hug. I could use one, too!

Sedona August 1991 – August 2007

Sedona, my beloved black and white tuxedo cat of 16 years passed into the spiritual realm and out of her physical body on August 24, 2007. Every day I lived with her and with my other cat companion, Sturgis, who survives her, has been a day I started with joy and love. Each and every day I have lived with them, I told them I love them, and have thanked them for choosing to be with me, and living their lives with me. When I retired to bed, I would find them wherever they were, and let them know, again, how much I loved and thanked them for their gift of unconditional love and acceptance. My nickname for Sedona was Dona, and she loved being called by her nickname.

Sedona was a very extraordinary feline. She had wisdom beyond being an animal, wild or domesticated, and I deemed her a “shaman cat” early in her life. She was an old soul in the body of a feline. She was a natural healer of a cat, and if there was a place I hurt or injured or stressed on my body, she would naturally gravitate toward that place, and set herself down beside my hurt body. I asked her to “just be a cat, not a little nurse”, but she must have sensed that was part of her purpose. She was always calm, and had an enormous, courageous heart. She didn’t fear much of anything or anybody, although she didn’t like when I ran the vacuum cleaner. She didn’t run away from anything. She loved sitting in the light of the sun, and her black fur absorbing the heat like a solar panel.



Sedona adored playing with Sturgis, but not too rough, and she would make it known when she had enough. She had a ridiculous looking fabric sewn toy fish, Teenie Sardini, which has catnip sewn into its interior that she loved to play with, and she would even wrap her little paws around Teenie while she took a snooze. Dona loved cantaloupe and honeydew melon, chicken-flavored cat treats (cookies) and if you uttered the word “cookies” she would hound you until she received her special addiction. She relished being petted and rubbed on her belly. I obliged her any chance I could.

Sedona was born in Charlottesville, Virginia. When my former husband Greg and I went to look for another cat to keep company with Sturgis, we went to the SPCA of Charlottesville. The animal shelter had a room full of little kitties, called the Cat House. There were a lot of sweet animals to choose from. A man and woman held a little black and white cat for a while and exclaimed that the cat didn’t purr, then decided she wasn’t for them and put the little girl kitty down on one of the many cat condos in the “kitty” room. Greg and I went over to the little kitty, picked her up, and she purred and purred, and that’s when Sedona chose us to be her family. Her purring was always loud and pleasurable. She loved her cat life, and I made sure I would give her as much love and affection as possible.

Sedona and I had a very special bond, and as the years grew, the bond became stronger. She loved being brushed and groomed, and she sometimes “groomed” me, by licking me for a while with her little pink sandpaper-like tongue. Last year, she could no longer jump up on my bed, so I bought her some “doggy steps”. She didn’t need any coaching from me to use them; she knew they were there for her, and that made her quite happy. She usually came to visit me on my bed before I went to sleep, or during the night. Sometimes, especially when the weather became cold, she would ask to come under the covers, and she’d cuddle with me, right in my arms, usually until I fell asleep.

Dona masked her illness, which still hasn’t been formally diagnosed. I had taken her to the vet about 5 months before because I was concerned about her, and she had an episode that seemed like a seizure. They couldn’t find anything wrong with her then. On the 23rd, I noticed Dona didn’t make it upstairs. She was lying where I left her about 11:30 pm (and I woke up about 5:30 am to feed both Sturgis and Sedona). I picked her up, and carried her upstairs, so she could use the litter box. As I carried her, I felt her life force was weak, which was unusual for her. (I naturally do energy work and energy reading, and I was very worried.) I noticed her breathing was very labored, and she used the litter box with no problem. I stayed with her for a few minutes, and watched her breathing, and knew she was struggling to breathe. I called the emergency animal hospital and got her carrier, and drove to Boulder. We got there at the animal hospital about 6:30 am.

The people at the animal hospital were so good to her, and they put her on oxygen to help her breathe. At 8:00 am, they switched over to the “vet” clinic, from the animal hospital, and ran all sorts of tests, with nothing conclusive as to what was going on. They treated her on many levels, yet there wasn’t a jump on improvement. Dona was a challenging patient for them, because they couldn’t hear her heart or lungs; every time they would touch her, and try to “scope” her, she would purr. It was not hard to fall in love with such a gentle creature like Sedona.

I observed her deteriorate in the matter of 48 hours, unable to breathe easily, unable to use the litter box, and she barely was able to move herself about without stumbling. I couldn’t prolong her suffering any longer, nor have her poked and prodded and more. It was time for me to say goodbye.

I feel like I have a big hole in my heart, and I know in time, it will heal. For now, I need to feel what I feel, which is gratitude and grief. I feel a loss that is very deep. I will do some compensation for my loss, by loving on Sturgis as much as possible. I know he is missing his companion, too.

Sedona gave me so very, very much. Dona gave me so much joy, laughter (she had a very good sense of humor as you can tell from the photo), forgiveness, and above all, real unconditional love. She taught me to be happy in the moment, and to always say “I love you” and “I’m grateful you’re a part of my life”. My heart is full and empty at the same time, thinking about my beautiful Dona.

Working with Change and Cleaning Strawberries

"Challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new center of gravity. Don't fight them. Just find a different way to stand."

Oprah Winfrey

Sometimes doing something different is, well, different!

This morning my regular “workout place” is closed. It will be closed for maintenance and upgrading of equipment for six more days. I really look forward to going to the recreation center for my exercise and stretching. I’m not fanatical, but in order to feel fitter and enjoy fitness as a welcome, regular activity, I like working out at my rec center. Marty, the smiling, upbeat, and highly goofy reception person greets me before my workout, and he always says something that has me laughing (and at 5:30 am, that is a huge feat). He takes my pass, scans it, asks if I need a lock or a towel, and then I’m on my way to working out, first with stretching, then on the cardio machines.

Annual pass holders for my neighborhood recreation center are invited to visit the recreation center in the next town over (about 6 miles away) while maintenance week is taking place. The rec center in the next town opens their doors a bit later than the one in my town, so I planned my day today to go and be there when the center opened.

When I drove up to the recreation center, I noticed a line had formed outside, with people waiting for the facility to open, although it was time to open. I never had to wait for my neighborhood center to open, so this was a different experience. Since I’ve never worked out at this facility, I had to ask where the cardio machines where (I had to go up a flight of stairs to get to the workout machines). They were situated in the corners of the second floor (there is a track around the perimeter of the second floor that people can walk or run on). This was another different environment to adjust to; another opportunity. None of the machines were lined up with one another; they were sort of staggered about so they could fit the maximum amount of equipment in the minimized space. A woman with perfume started working out next to me (and I admit, I get challenged with fragrance in a work-out environment), so I physically and mentally focused my energy toward my exercise, and the radio show I had downloaded to my MP3 player. The machine was nice, and a little newer than the elliptical cross-trainer I normally use.

I worked out for 30 minutes on this machine, and I made it through my workout; it was different than what I was used to.

I decided it was a good day to work with “different”.



When I came home, I was very hungry. For breakfast, I normally make a shake or smoothie in the morning, with protein powder, crushed ice, a small amount of juice, and fresh or frozen fruit. I blend those ingredients together so it's nice and smooth. That seems to fill me up, and I feel like I’m getting a pretty nutritious meal for the time I spend putting it together.

I pulled out two quarts of organic strawberries from the refrigerator to prep. I squatted down to a low kitchen cabinet, reached in to find a plastic colander to place the strawberries in to rinse off and clean. I also pulled out a container to hold the strawberries once I cleaned them, from out of the same cabinet. I did all this as quietly as possible, since my roommate sleeps downstairs below the kitchen, and it was still early morning.

I’m right handed, I thought I would change the way I go through the process in the present moment, so I picked up the knife with my left hand and began cutting off the green tops of the strawberries carefully, using the hand I don't normally use for writing, cutting, or doing fine detailed hand work. Precision wasn’t the key here, being present in the moment was, though. I noticed the black-handled knife in my non-dominant hand and as I brought awareness to the process of cleaning and slicing strawberries. I brought awareness to how the process felt awkward, yet I was open to the awkward feeling, and more curious than judgmental. I observed the texture of the seedy protective outer fruit, the pressure level it took to slice through the fruit, the sweet and tangy fragrance of the fruit, carefully cutting away what I perceived as a less-than-fresh spot on the strawberry. I brought my awareness to my feet, as they grounded me in the moment, on the earth, feeling the coolness of the linoleum floor through my white gym socks, knowing below my feet, downstairs, my roommate might be still dreaming. I noticed the refreshing wet feeling of the rinsed strawberries and the cool, sticky dampness of my upper back, still moist from my workout.

Doing things differently without judgment encourages me to stay in the present moment, and allows me to move through all things that are different and unknown with more faith and less fear.

Divine Purpose

"You are creating your next moment. That is what's real."

Sarah Paddison

Every day, I do my best to be aware that I am a human being with a divine nature.

Yes, I laugh and I cry, and I find myself emoting happiness as well as sadness, and everything in between. That is the human experience. I can stay in the place of judgment, even of my emotions, and that usually doesn’t move me closer to my divine purpose. Once an emotion is present, there’s no stopping it. Stifling emotions in the body creates an energy block, and in my understanding, eventually dis-ease. Emotions are energy in motion. Moving that energy of emotion and feeling and releasing what isn’t serving my higher nature is vital (as in vital signs of life). Reaching for what best serves my higher nature helps me connect more with my divine nature. For myself, I do a lot of this energy moving through dance and the 5Rhythms practice of Gabrielle Roth. Sometimes I play some music I like to sing to (usually something fun or even humorous). I also bring awareness to my body and my breath, whether I’m sitting at a computer working, or standing in line at the local grocery store.

You can try this exercise right now. As you sit and read this, bring awareness to your breath. Notice the breath coming into your body, and notice the breath leaving your body. If you sit with a backrest, notice how your back feels as it leans into the backrest. Is your spine straight, or is your posture a little slumped? Is your abdomen loose and full or tucked in and tight? Notice these things with curiosity. You don’t need to change or judge anything. Simply bring awareness to your body. You’re in the presence of your divinity simply by observing your body-awareness in the present moment, without judgment. You're focusing on your essential state of being; your body is where this expression bursts through to create your experience.

When I choose to penetrate the human shell of protection and I become fully aware, of my emotions, my judgment of those emotions, and the fear that drives my judgment, transformation has a chance to take hold. I can choose another experience. In an instant, I can choose; it’s about decision and choosing to have another experience and release the old experience. That choice of selecting another experience is more about discernment than judgment, and opening up to what I want in my life, instead of feeding the fear of what I don’t want.

The best metaphor for observing that place of transformation and choice is by simply noticing the breath. There is the inhalation, there is the exhalation AND there is the space between inhaling and exhaling. The space that connects the inhalation and exhalation is the place of nothingness and infinite possibility, the void where all is possible.

When I’m engulfed within that timeless, placeless state, I can ask myself, without the filters of my story, if I’m “on purpose” in allowing my divine nature to come through. When the answer is a resounding “yes”, I know I can have whatever I am seeking to manifest in my life.

Meditation-An Everyday Practice

We live in a vast world of stimuli and information. We can turn on the television and listen to live or taped broadcasts, pick up a cell phone and answer a call from anywhere in the world, read email messages on our computer from friends and relatives, and search the internet for anything we want to know about or purchase. Psychologists have started calling this energetic bombardment of information glut by a new term. They call it “data smog”.

Is it any wonder people become addicted to their electronic playthings? There is a sense of instant response with machines. That isn’t all bad. It’s great to have so many choices.

It’s also great to press the “power off” button.

I’ve heard James Ray, one of the featured speakers from the DVD “The Secret” say if you can be with yourself in a room, without a phone to answer, a television to turn on, a computer, and be your only companion for a few hours, and find contentment, chances are, you like yourself (and your own company). If you like your own time with yourself, when you’re ready and want to venture out, you’ll probably attract good company to you, too.

Meditation allows me to turn the “power off” button, so I can “power on” with more fun, intensity, peace, and joy when I interact with others. I have more "self-joy", too.

Shut down, reboot, refresh… That’s meditation for me.

I find one of the most powerful ways for me to feel grounded and connected to life, source energy, and myself is by practicing meditation every day.

Dr. Susan Gregg wrote a book called The Complete Idiot's Guide to Short Meditations. She also has a website called www.shortmeditations.com. She is a wonderful facilitator of meditation and a great resource to explore.

I have found that there is no wrong way to meditate. In the beginning it wasn’t all that easy to quiet my mind. I actually started to meditate using the Holosync™ Program and have recommended these CDs to people, always with positive results. These CDs are definitely recommended for those people who do have an active mind, and want to quiet the “chatter” and explore the benefits of meditation. I even have fallen asleep to my CDs, and like I say, there isn’t a right or wrong way to meditate.

To find the Holosync™ CDs, and try a free demo, click here.

There are many physical, emotional, and spiritual benefits to meditation. I have noticed more energy, vitality, and usually something really great comes into my life after a meditation session. Here’s a link from Psychology Today on the benefits of meditation, and you can do your own self-exploration on self-exploration http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20030424-000003.html.

Many times, I don’t use my Holosync CDs, since meditation has become a daily practice, like brushing my teeth. I check in with myself and know what I need to do before my session. Sometimes I put on soft and soothing music for some background ambience. Sometimes I meditate in silence (I live in a townhome, so there isn’t complete silence, and the meditation practice has helped me be accepting about even hearing “neighbors”). I can even find a way to meditate in a noisy restaurant for a few minutes. I close my eyes, focus on my breath, and allow the opportunity to journey within, to be in a place of present moment focus, and to slow my mind down. I unhook from thoughts, judgments, and just notice sensations, breath, and still myself and tune inward.

Sometimes my meditation time is short (15 minutes). Sometimes I have the opportunity to meditate for an hour or so. Sometimes I set a clear intention for my meditation, and sometimes I just close my eyes and allow the meditation to flow, trusting that whatever I need for myself happens and is perfect.

For me, I don’t have an agenda when I meditate; the process of allowing whatever needs to flow through or empty from my mind is the process of opening up to something larger than myself. I completely surrender to that source energy to move within, and through me.

There is a saying that spiritual practice takes practice. And it's all good!

Everyday Failures

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

Thomas A. Edison

When you read the header on this post, what came up for you? Take a bit of time, and really think about something in your life that was a complete fiasco.

If you shrugged the experience off, never to look at the experience or any of the components leading to the failed situation ever again, maybe I can give some perspective and coaxing to look again, with fresh eyes and an open heart.

Chances are, if you attempted to accomplish something, just one time, and failed at it, you could be one of those perfectionists I hear about. My guess is you are good at a lot of things, so that's really a great asset, be it in building a business or a cultivating a great relationship. There are so many gems to be garnered from failure, yet sometimes we get caught up in our stories of what the experience SHOULD have been like, or we reflect on our past, and get stuck. We play safe, without taking the risks that will push us into our true greatness.

Move through it and get unstuck! It'll be worth it!

Create a list of everything you learned from the situation and “pan for the gold” from what may be perceived as the murkiness of the experience. Creating the list and brainstorming what worked, especially with someone who supports your project unconditionally, will put things into perspective, as well as help you create a game plan of what could be improved. This brainstorming will allow you to see that the experience came about to teach you something new and great. Part of my path in success coaching is coming up with creative ways to see those gems in the dust, so that you can cash in on the ideas and shift those ideas to successful outcomes.

Take a look at the things you do every day, and do well every day. Those things you do have allowed you a certain degree of confidence in your continued success to do them again and again. Let’s pick one thing. Say you turn your computer on, and once it “boots up”—do they really say that still—it’s good to go, and you get to do what you want to on the computer. That would be a success (yes, maybe, you think, a small success, but none the less, the expected outcome was achieved).

Since I’ve had the opportunity to press the “on” button on my computer and have absolutely nothing happen resembling a working computer, I am always gratified to acknowledge a resounding “yes” when things work. I take nothing for granted in this life, and have gratitude for the small and the large victories in life.

Certainty is great, especially when it's driven by internal knowledge. We learn more from the uncertainties in life; that's where the opportunity lies dormant. Turn it on, and wake it up, and kick-start your creativity. The world is waiting for your gift.

If you are pursuing a “dream”, have come to a point of being where you live the dream, breathe the dream, and are taking action and responsibility, doing all the “right” things, and the outcome is still less than stellar, here’s a great idea. Step away from the “dream”, and gain a new perspective. You still have your vision, and you’re just taking a break. Do yourself a favor, and take the emphasis out of the “dream” and what it means. Make the goal to have some fun. After all, at first, you’re experimenting with something you haven’t quite mastered. Make a list of why you want what you want to succeed, including the feelings of when success is at hand. Have faith in your creation. Remember that God’s delays are not God’s denials.

The first time you do something, even if you are great at what you do, chances are, there’s going to be something that you haven’t counted on. The richness and jewel lies in this lesson. I encourage you to embrace the things that didn’t work, as well as what did work, and refine, define, and move forward.

Make another list, and challenge yourself to come up with 50 ideas to improve your process, so you can experience more of what you want, success-wise.

Test and repeat, refine, define, and have fun with your growth.

A failure is only true failure when you don’t learn anything from the experience.

Everyday Surprises

Lately I’ve found my time is joyously exploring and experiencing new situations and opportunities. It’s been one month since I was “let go” from a full-time position I held, or maybe the position held me—whatever we tell ourselves, it’s all a story. I really like the company I worked with, yet I was not passionate about the work I was doing. I wasn’t being challenged in my workplace, although I did choose to challenge myself, by taking web design classes, to enhance my value. I continue to learn as much as I can these days in the field of graphic design, and although I’ve been in the field for over 25 years, the internet has changed the definition of a what a graphic designer is today. Creating this blog is another great lesson in enhancing my skills, in a way that feels creative and joyful.

Being “released” from this work has been radically freeing and frightening at the same time. I certainly am challenged to create the life I’ve always dreamed of, and create an income from the energy I put out into the world. I am very open to looking at a variety of situations in new ways; even the way I felt emotionally about my no longer working at this company has been completely transforming and I chose to feel good instead of feeling not good about the separation. I continue to trust the Universe opens to bring me opportunities, and I also trust that I will be open to the signs provided and that I will be conscious and in the place of allowing of new, wonderful things to come into form. I don't hang out, waiting for something to happen. Every day, I take positive action, and do what I can to connect with people and places to support my journey, and hopefully support others, too. I also do my best to experience more fun every day.

I’m engaging in a lot of networking these days. Last week, I met with a lovely woman who gave me an hour of her time, to pamper me, educate me a bit on skin care, and how to even physically reverse the signs of aging, in this challenging time where the environment and our individual lives may stress our bodies and our skin. I enjoyed our time together very much, and I enjoyed the drive out to my new friend’s home, close to some beautiful farmland, agricultural, and open space. She’s a new mother, and she works out of her home. She really enjoys what she does, and she has a lot of fun with her business.
Find out more at http://www.marykay.com:80/mmurray18/default.aspx

On the way back, I chose to “find my way” back to my home using a different route. As I turned down a country road, looking for a road sign to give me a sort of “compass” of my next turn to make, I fully enjoyed being the moment of a beautiful spring afternoon. I could always see the mountains, so I knew the direction of “west”. I had my camera with me, ready to capture the day digitally. The landscape a few hours before consisted of gray clouds and those clouds were filled with intermittent rain showers. In the span of two hour’s time, the sun reemerged, and shone on the glistening land. Steam and mist appeared on the road.

I just passed a road sign that let me know I was headed in the opposite direction of “home”. Just then, I also saw a sign with Susan’s Iris Garden in blue letters, a red arrow pointing the direction, and a phone number. So, turning around the car, I chose to explore, camera in hand.


I pulled into a driveway, and was met by a barking, growling wiry Jack Russell terrier. I let him check me out; I must have been okay to him after that. As I walked around the yard, I looked for someone to talk to, but didn’t want to disturb anyone, either.


Emerging from carefully planted flowerbeds, many varieties of iris brought a smile to my face. The garden smelled wonderful, with flowering trees, and the wild bird songs brought a joy to my ears. I especially enjoyed hearing the red-winged blackbirds, since they remind me of the time I lived in a beautiful area of North Carolina.


I so enjoyed my short time out by Susan’s Iris Garden. As I “revisit” in my mind, it makes my heart glad I am “directionally challenged”. I always know the way towards feeling happy, and these days I set my compass in that direction, no matter what happens in my life. When you decide to be happy, no matter what happens in your life, you open yourself to more rich and varied surprises.

Here’s a fun thing to do, for you everyday shamans.

What sights, sounds, and smells can transport you to a joyful, happy time? Really think of something where you absolutely felt joy and even awe at something you experienced. The more yummy the experience you had, the better. Take about five minutes of your time to do this, close your eyes, breathe in that place of joy and fun, and really “revisit” that wonderful place and feeling. Where do you feel this feeling in your body? What are those smells? Does this experience have a taste? Breathe in all this good… it’s your time, and your good! When you do this exercise, you are also creating a lot of good “chemistry” in your body, just by choosing your fun, positive thoughts. This exercising of “resetting” your feelings can actually counteract your everyday stresses, and even help your immune system strengthen. You might even find yourself sleeping better, and having more energy.

When you can remember that you can embrace the “shift” of feeling good over feeling not good, any time you chose, you embrace the power of the everyday shaman.

Riding the Wave of In-Between

Sometimes we have absolutely no idea what is going to happen in our lives. Could it be we let life happen to us? Or maybe we are open to new possibilities and bring about as many conditions as we can to stimulate and excite us. When it comes to the human condition, and the situations we bring about into our lives, it’s truly a grand illusion that we’re in total control, and many times that very thought causes suffering and pain. We are always in control of how we choose to view and feel about those situations, and when we stay in a place of emotional observation and non-reaction, we can track those feelings, and choose more of how we want to feel about whatever is going on in our daily lives.

For much of my life I thought I was open-minded. Yet, patterns kept showing up in my life again and again and as soon as I thought I had learned what I needed to from a particular experience, and imagined I released that pattern forever, there it was again, like an old friend. Not a good old friend, but definitely, an old friend. I felt there was a specific way, or feeling I should experience, and the pattern would be gone.

I finally acknowledged my resistance, and the “SHOULD” of my pattern. The word SHOULD contains the stinging smack of judgment and the inference that something is either right or wrong. My consciousness of this resistance I have held dearly, as a measure of, what I think is security and safety, was actually binding me to an old, painful and outdated belief. For me, acknowledging this resistance of how my life “SHOULD” be has been the first giant step to true freedom.

If a “SHOULD” comes up in your life, what disempowering belief is operating? What judgments are operating, creating resistance for the very thing you really want to attract in your life? What stories are you telling yourself about your relationships, your body, or your job?

One of my favorite spiritual leaders used to say lots of people have a degree from MSU. Making Stuff Up. Are your stories the truth? Are they assumptions that you hang onto for dear life, to create the illusion of security and safety?

I’ve adapted a saying and a way of living: I’m riding the wave of in-between.

All my life, I wanted to have my relationships defined, my workplace defined, my finances defined. And the more I demanded that definition of my life, the more I pushed it further and further away.

Imagine a small boat on the ocean close to where you are on the shoreline, with all those people and ideas of how life SHOULD be, ideas you hold so dear, symbolized by the drifting boat, floating farther out to sea.

Holding on to that belief that people and things need to be defined, because I craved a sense of security caused me years of suffering. As I came more into the consciousness of this assumption and its insidious resistance, the more I released people in my life holding the same or similar beliefs. I have now learned to create that security and safety within my own being. Somewhere, in that need to control and have security was also a hidden resentment, another SHOULD. Things are what they are. We can be with that, or make stuff up and surrender our power to old beliefs.

The more I practice riding the wave of in-between, I notice the urge to control any situation is replaced by the love and trust of the experience, no matter what the outcome.

As I ride the wave of in-between, that doesn’t mean I don’t still want certain “certainties” in my life, it just means I can let go of those attachments holding me in a pattern of feeling unsafe or insecure in my life. I choose more fun ways of being in my life, acknowledging that life can really be full and joyful. I remind myself to live my life in a space of gratitude, and trust that love and faith operate and are fully present in my life all the time; all is well now, just as it is. I don’t have to know the outcome, and I can be surprised by all the “happy accidents” showing up in my life.

Riding the wave of in-between is trusting in love instead of fear. Learning to love the in-between opens me to possibilities I could have never dreamed.

Everyday Gems

Every day, I ask the Universe to allow me to open up to wonderful, unexplainable opportunities.

I have a pothos plant I took with me when I left Arizona in 2005. The plant wasn’t doing all that well, so I moved it by some filtered light and beside a nice sized amethyst formation I purchased at a metaphysical fair last year. Ever since the pothos and the amethyst became “neighbors”, the plant became energized and prolific, sprouting lots of new leaf growth. As I marveled at this energetic surge in plant life force, I felt drawn to find a small amethyst to wear as a necklace, feeling the desire for an energetic surge of my own.

I scheduled a trip into Boulder (9 miles away) for my car, and on the way back home, I decided to drop off a good-sized box of books I had placed in the back of my car. I’m in the process of ridding myself of household items that are not needed or used in my life, to create more space for new and positive energy. I parked my car a hefty walking distance from my bookstore destination, and with my book-laden box, I made the trek to the bookstore, huffing and puffing all the way.

When I left the bookstore and got back into my car, I wondered what businesses were located down the street I parked. I had never been down that street before. Time to explore! I spotted a storefront with an attractive sign, called The Light Connection, so I parallel-parked my car, and hopped inside. The store has been lovingly transformed into a metaphysical seeker’s paradise. Inside The Light Connection one can find many beautiful pieces of art, books of wisdom and spiritual items, and by appointment, you can schedule a reading with a tarot reader, intuitive, astrologer and the list of readings go on. I was elated to happen upon this lovely store. The young sales goddess there, Samantha, was so enjoyable to talk to, and I felt totally guided by the Universe to find this special gem of a store. And, of course, I found a lovely amethyst pendant I was attracted to, at a very reasonable price.

The website for The Light Connection is http://www.light-connection.com.