“Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”
Mark Twain
So many spiritual teachings across the planet speak about the concept of forgiveness. For me, I have immersed myself in the waters of forgiveness, and know I have come home to myself.
I look back on my life and realize how much energy I directed on blame, resentment, and anger. As I look at those feelings and emotions, I see the results of what I brought into my life. Those outcomes were not pretty. My childhood wasn't ideal. I felt someone was "doing something" to me and I had no choices. It made me angry to believe I didn't have choices, and was powerless. That belief in itself created a victim mentality, and a pattern that was a challenge to me. I attracted people to me with the same angry energy. I realize now how I created just the thing I believed. I know now that beliefs are a choice, and I choose more empowering beliefs.
Each day I practice forgiveness. It’s a fairly recent practice of a few years now, but the practice is now habit and deepens my connection to peace. I have healed so much through the lovingkindness of forgiveness.
As I practiced forgiveness of myself and others, I saw relationships that were once important to me disappear. Do I love those people any less? Not at all. I realize that each and every day, I choose to not put anyone outside my heart. Do I wish I chose to do things different with some of those people? Of course, I do. When I could, I expressed to them (verbally or in a letter) the feelings and forgiveness that I hoped for from those cherished ones. But in the end, for me, I had to let go of any outcomes, especially when the letters went unanswered or even came back unopened. I couldn’t control or manipulate a situation. That was an old pattern. I couldn't make anyone wrong. It was with deep faith that I learned to let go, and let the Universe manage the outcome. Some relationships deepened more fully when I allowed people to be perfect just as they are. I hope those relationships will continue to blossom in my life.
I also couldn’t beat up or berate myself for what I had done. Sometimes I didn't even know what I had done. And I learned it didn't matter what I had done. I did my best to make things right and live in integrity. I sensed I needed to heal, and move forward. Forgiveness was the only practice that made sense. The vibration of forgiveness is one of power, even though it is often a practice of surrender.
It’s oh so important to feel the feelings and emotions that one feels. Being able to express those feelings and emotions in a safe environment can keep the body and mind from taking on those “beliefs”. I’ve said many times emotion is “energy in motion”, and like a river that flows effortlessly, until some obstruction dams the circulation, our emotions need expression. When emotions become stagnant in the body, we experience pain, sometimes physically, and many times spiritually and mentally. For me, I move the energy with dance and exercise. I also meditate and pray, and take on something creative, like writing, journaling, or painting.
Anger can be an amazing catalyst for change. Have you ever had a job you actually hated but resigned yourself to go to day after day after day. One day, though, there was one galvanizing moment when that emotion of anger motivated you to finally take action to move toward something else. The anger or hate wasn’t really about the job, it was about how you "allowed yourself" to experience something that didn’t “fit” for you, and your desire for something else spurred you onward to another choice. When anger gets stuck, though, that particular emotion can have devastating effects. Turned inward, anger turns into depression. If you ran into your office to quit your despised job and "burn bridges" behind you, that’s when anger is out of control, and self-sabotage occurs. No one wins in that situation.
I think anger can become an amazing teacher with a lesson. When we experience anger, there is a feeling of powerlessness. We get angry when we think a situation “should” have been different. I can make the situation different when I choose to take action and see a situation as a new opportunity. I can choose empowerment.
Anyone who has ever observed a baby has seen the full range of emotions, quite possibly in the span of five minutes. Babies can reflect the nuances of joy, bliss, anger, and frustration in the matter of a few minutes. Adults can take some lessons from infants on letting go of emotions quickly. This world is full of opportunities to practice releasing emotions in a positive way. Holding onto emotions can’t literally happen in our hands; as water drips and drizzles through our grasping fist, emotions can move through and out the body as easily, in a healthy way, with practice. For me it takes mindfulness and being at ease with whatever comes up in my life. I don’t always succeed. I do always get lots of practice. I get better and better at it with practice.
As I deepen my practice of forgiveness, I set aside or dissipate blame, resentment, anger, complaining, and judgment. I realize that insisting on being right doesn’t allow for expansiveness. My need for knowing and controlling situations is surrendered to more openness, where anything could happen, and I look forward to a better situation. Often, miracles show up. Then I get to practice gratitude. That's also a daily practice of mindfully seeing everything (absolutely everything) with gratitude.
I’ve learned forgiveness isn’t about anybody else. It’s about deepening my way “home” to myself. I've learned forgiveness is about forgiving myself and letting go. Then there's more room for the fun things in life.
