Everyday Small Steps

It’s amazing how the body heals. It’s a week since my foot surgery. There’s still pain, but a lot less. Now, I can (slowly) get up and down the stairs without my crutches. I really have to pay attention to my steps, and I know the message that everything I do right now is a prayerful meditation of my body, mind, and spirit. I respect my body and my current abilities. Aside from driving, I can do pretty much what I need to do, I just do things much more slowly. I’ve become more mindful of my journey and my present moment.

At this time, I still think about my mother through this healing process, and I have to believe that the Universe has me connecting with my mother in this way for a deep purpose. I am reminded how I move right now, and how my mother moved to accommodate her abilities after a stroke. She had to back up her body (sort of putting herself in reverse) to sit down, feeling the seat or couch behind her. I remember her movements as she surrendered her balance to an object that would bear her weight, and the relief she felt as she slid into her sitting position. It’s almost as if I remember her through my own body cellular memory, as I make the steps forward and backward, negotiating up and down stairs, and moving slowly and thoughtfully through my day (good foot up the stairs first). It’s an amazing recollection, and I really see how my mother (and my avoidance for many years of “being like her”) was my “shadow”*. My mother transitioned out of this physical world in 2006, so all of these “cellular” memories have been a surprise to me, but welcome and comforting.

I realize how remarkable the human body is, how amazing our minds are and how our beliefs can expand or limit us. I know I will relish the time I can return to my dance practice and working out. I also honor that this time of stillness has moved me through some real breakthroughs. I realize how much I will enjoy simple things like climbing effortlessly into my bathtub to take a shower. My vision map of what I want to bring into my life is laminated and taped to my shower, and I really miss seeing and absorbing the images that I see and take into my consciousness without effort when I shower.

I remember when I went to the local grocery store to rent my crutches before my surgery. I am reminded of hearing a little girl about 14 shopping with her father, seeing me try out my crutches for size, and hearing her laughter and remarks about crutches. It was good to just observe, not be self-conscious or into a “story”. I got to think about people who live daily with physical and mental challenges, and realize I am so fortunate, and grateful for my life.

I’m getting to look how I judge myself, and how I judge others. I get to see how I judged my mother, and maybe other people. We tend to do things to get our needs met, whether those things are in our highest state of being or our lowest state of vibration. I get to look at those beliefs behind those actions, and set those beliefs aside or surrender to what feelings are behind those beliefs. When our routine is disrupted for any reason, sometimes we can go totally into our stories. The stories are only beliefs. Most of those beliefs aren’t even true. Those beliefs keep us from our real feelings. Those uncomfortable or even painful feelings we would rather “numb” away, through addictions like overeating, avoidance, drinking, overworking, shopping, drugs or about a thousand other ways are actually our gateway to our own personal power.

Are you happy with yourself? Do you hold the roadmap that will be the catalyst to expand your view of yourself? If you were “there” what does “there” even look like? Do you know? The Universe supports clarity. Today is the day to get clear. If you love your life, you are going to move in a world that reflects that back to you. If you are angry with yourself or other people, or not loving yourself, or beating yourself up all the time, you are going to find people to reflect that same thing back to you. I’m not “there” yet, but I am in the process, I have my “vision map” and my commitment is to live each day with a new discovery and appreciation of myself and what is reflected back to me. Each day offers something new to learn and love about myself and the world.

When we take 100% responsibility, and connect with ourselves on a deep, profound level, connect with our global family, and change our feelings of being “different” or “wounded”, we take down the barriers that separate us from others and separates us from the Divine spirit that lives within, around and through each of us. All is sacred. There is nothing that isn't sacred. What’s available to you when you take down those barriers? You can have a new perspective, enter the process to transform your life, and live the live beyond anything you could have ever imagined.


*I will write more about “the shadow”, the Breakthrough Process, and the programs I am currently immersed in through the Ford Institute for Integrative Coaching.