Shame, Guilt, Self-Sabotage, and Coming Clean

"It is only when we have the courage to face things exactly as they are, without any self-deception or illusion, that a light will develop out of events, by which the path to success may be recognized." I Ching

Concealing and withholding hides a shadow belief, guilt, or shame about something in our past. The ego creates a clever laundry list of obstacles to healing old wounds. Justifications, excuses, blame, resentment, righteous positions, and arrogance all mask a repressed quality or hidden action that we would rather not take responsibility for. We may justify what we did by saying "I did that in the past; it has no bearing on my life now".

Until we stop the trance of denial by standing in the truth of our past, that very energy that we conceal, don't want to feel, or deny holds more of our future in bondage than anyone can fathom. Withholding due to shame or guilt may even seem like setting a personal boundary; when we don't come clean with ourselves, our actions, and our relations in every way to cleanse our psyche, we're bathing ourselves in unclean conditions, and we still embody the same very toxic feelings that shamed us. When we tell ourselves a story or interpret events that imprint guilt as something from our past that doesn't require a thorough clean-up, and we choose the option of hiding behind our justifications or excuses, that very shame and guilt weaves its way into our lives like the mismatched thread running through a yard of fabric; if that one ill-fitting thread isn't fully integrated into the whole weave cleanly, it disintegrates the whole fabric of our lives. Withholding and not coming clean with shame or guilt will show up again and again as a pattern somewhere in relationships, and is a clear form of self-sabotage. Quoting my mentor, Debbie Ford, "the guilty seek punishment". When we don't clean our house internally, the consequences can be devastating. Relationships implode, lives can be impacted negatively, and ultimately, that shame and guilt will follow us wherever we go, like lead weights strapped to our body.

When we illuminate the darkest actions and deeds and the pain we inflicted onto others by projection, and take responsibility for our actions in a clear manner, then we are able to observe what needs cleaning up. When we are willing to be truthful, without any deception that the ego can blanket us with, we can step into responsibility and clear out the clutter of unfinished business. From there, the heart can open to true forgiveness, for self-forgiveness and to ask forgiveness to any relations who stepped into the cross-hairs of the shame or guilt we claimed and projected. Going through a total process of completing any unfinished business, taking responsibility, and opening the door to forgiveness offers our multi-colored, woven life threads integration, and the opportunity to create alignment with our most deepest desires.